Kathy Helidoniotis
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Kathy's Fun Page

Cool Horse Jokes.

Three race horses stood in their stalls. One said to other others: "I ran 20 races and I won 15 of them!" she bragged. The next said Laughing Horsewith a snort, "Well, I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!" Then the third horse spoke up proudly, "Yeah, I ran 41 races and won 39 of them!" This seemed to settle the topic when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound said, "I ran 100 races and I won 99 of them." The horses looked at each other in amazement and one gasped, "Wow! A talking greyhound!"

One day a man that had horses went to check on his favourite one. He was in for a shock, and as he opened the stall door, he saw the horse was rabid and foaming at the mouth. It lunged at him, and, very quickly, gave him a nasty wound on the arm. His wife left to call 000, and when she got back she found him writing furiously. She told him that there was no need to make out his will, because they had a cure for rabies. He looked at her blankly and said, "Will? What will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite."

One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: "I think your horse looks pretty good, so I'll give you $500 for him." "He doesn't look so good, and he's not for sale," the farmer said. The man insisted, "I think he looks just fine and I'll up the price to $1,000." "He doesn't look so good," the farmer said, "but if you want him that much, he's yours." The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, "You sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!" The farmer calmly replied, "I told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?"

Murphy's Horse Laws:

  • No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.
  • The least useful horse in your barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month.
  • A horse's misbehaviour will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.
  • Your favourite tack always gets chewed on, and your new blanket gets torn.
  • Tack you hate will never wear out and blankets you hate cannot be destroyed.
  • Horses you hate cannot be sold and will outlive you.
  • Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half clipped.
  • If you approach within 50 feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty.
  • The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stalls in your barn.
  • Hoof picks always run away from home.
  • If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury.
  • If you are winning, then quit, because there is only one way to go. Down!

JUNIOR: Daddy, there's a man at the circus who jumps on a horse's back, slips underneath his belly, catches hold of its tail and finishes on the horse's neck!
FATHER: That's nothing. I did all that the first time I rode a horse!

Horse sense is found usually in people with a stable mind.

My horse is very polite. Whenever we come to a jump he stops and lets me go first!

 

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