Kathy Helidoniotis
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New Year's Resolutions For Horses.

  1. I CAN walk and poo at the same time. I can, I can, I can.
  2. I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.
  3. I will NOT roll in creeks or try to roll when my human is on my back.
  4. I will NOT leap over large nonexistent obstacles when the whim strikes.
  5. I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.
  6. I promise NOT to swish my tail while my human is cleaning my back feet.
  7. I promise also NOT to choose that particular time to answer nature's call.
  8. I will NOT bite my farrier's butt just because it is there.
  9. I will NOT confuse my human's blond hair for really soft hay.
  10. I will NOT wipe green slime down the back of my human's white shirt.
  11. I will NOT blow my nose on my human.
  12. I will NOT lay totally flat out in my stall with my eyes glazed over and my legs straight out and pretend I can't hear my human frantically screaming, "Are you asleep?!"
  13. I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it is on.
  14. I will promise NEVER to dump the wheelbarrow of manure over while my human is mucking my stall.
  15. I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead myself.
  16. I will NOT have an attitude problem. I won't, I won't, I won't!
  17. I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove that I can.
  18. I am neither a termite nor a carpenter. I promise I won't eat or remodel the stable or the new fences.
  19. I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I look like a freak.
  20. I will NOT jump in the air and turn 180 degrees every time I see a kangaroo.
  21. I will understand that kangaroos are NOT carnivorous.
  22. I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.
  23. I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me during the trail ride just to say "Hi."
  24. I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to photos.


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